Attention Republican and Democratic committees:
Ohio is sorry we ever secretly wished we had some national importance like bigger or more flashy than our simple state. That what we said mattered to someone. That someone was listening to us. We now have so much hot air from the candidates blowing around here that the climate has gone tropical. I have a palm tree sprouting out front.
We are crippled daily almost by the Secret Service cutting off major traffic arteries and vital exits and roads for the candidates in some corner or another. Sometimes both at the same time, in the same town.
My TV is back to back to back dueling ads for Arbusto and Kerry to the point that I’d rather watch that horrible Long’s Wholesale Furniture ad with the hillbillies playing dining room chairs to 78rpm banjo music or the Dixon builders ad with the guy who can’t hold a note singing for 30 minutes instead. (Really, I need to record these to explain to you how painful these are so I can get through to you how much I would rather watch them than the endless campaign ads.)
Ohio gives up. Uncle.
Now go away. Go bother Indiana, no one lives there anyway.